I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
