Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
