Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
