oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
