a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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