awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
