Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
