Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
