remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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