I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
