YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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