I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize