My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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