life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
