why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
