I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize