Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
