I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
