you would pick up someone in the library
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
