Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize