its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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