Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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