fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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