Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
