if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
