New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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