just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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