I got chris browned last night
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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