I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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