i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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