that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
