I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
