ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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