She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
