Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
