when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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