Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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