Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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