You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize