you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
