I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
