actually, I'm a sock model
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
