Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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