You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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