Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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