I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
