i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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