You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
