Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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