This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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