You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
they're like a gay fantastic four
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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