The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
tell me about the eggs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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