Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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