I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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