he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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