i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
