dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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