I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
