That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
