The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
