I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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