I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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