Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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