My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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