There was a lot of him and a little penis
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
