Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
