p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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