it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
